I’m A Summer Fashion Flop

I LOVE the summer and that wonderful yellow thing in the sky that warms everything up and makes us all happy.  Goodness knows we deserve it after a miserable winter and the longest, wettest spring known to man.  Across the UK men of all shapes and sizes are baring their pasty chests, pets are floppy and hot and the smell of barbeque is in the air.  Unfortunately with the arrival of the summer comes the arrival of summer fashion.  I HATE summer fashion; I’ve just never been able to get it right.  I can’t wear boots, for one, and I live in boots.  Baring so much skin is just so…. unsightly. Or on me, anyway.  Trust me when I say that my arms and legs are soooo much better kept under wraps.  Sleeves and tights are my friends.

The problem is I hate being hot.  It makes me tired, irritable and floppy as hell.   At home it’s easy. If I could I would live in denim shorts, flip flops and a little t-shirt all summer. Baggy, loose, cool. But dressing for work? This last week has had me standing cluelessly in front of my open wardrobe for far, far, far too many minutes of the day.  “For fooks sake, I have nothing to wear” has become my daily mantra.

I’m lucky in that I can wear what I like to work, the only rule being no denim.  And to keep it fairly smart…ish. My work wardrobe mainly consists of shift dresses in a multitude of colours which I team with black tights, black ankle boots and a little blazer.  Recently I’ve started experimenting with high waisted trousers or shorts with a little t-shirt tucked in.  It’s an experiment that has been working well so far, as long as I team it with a small heel… these stumpy legs of mine can’t get by on their own.

However, when I’m getting ready in my greenhouse-come-bedroom of a summer morning (my house is south-facing and completely unsheltered so it gets VERY hot), the thought of putting on tights or ankle boots or a blazer has made me just want to rip my skin off and pour an ice bucket over my head.  But what to wear instead?! Most of my shift dresses are see through and/or above the knee.  Do I really want my brides to know whether I’m wearing a thong or full-on period pants? And what about the whole bending-down-to-arrange-a-train-or-tweak-a-hemline aspect of my job? Oh hello mother-of-the-bride, this is my bottom- I thought you might like to be acquainted… Hmm, I think not.

So, despite May being the longest month known to man and me being completely out of money, I hotfooted it to Bluewater bright and early Sunday morning for what I considered to be an Emergency Shop. “I’ll pay it back…!” was the last thing Paul heard as I pulled out of our close, windows down and our joint card at the end of my waving hand.  Yes, really.

So what did I get?  Well, fortunately I was reigned in by my conscience so I didn’t fully splurge.  Just a couple of key pieces to get me through a particularly hot day…

The first was a cute little pair of foot-baring peep toe sandals, from the place where all the fashion-elite shop…ahem… Jones The Bootmaker.

Beaumont in black/suede from Jones

I was specifically after a black peep toe with a small wedge when these caught my eye.  I shall be teaming them mainly with cropped trousers and shift dresses for when gladiator sandals will just not do.  Trendy? Ha ha, no!  But they are simple, practical, vaguely stylish and will go with everything so a worthwhile purchase in my opinion.

The next stop was Warehouse which was conveniently having a 25% off everything day in association with Glamour magazine.  Good bloody job- have you seen the prices in Warehouse recently?? Holy Moly, I almost knocked over a window display I was that taken aback by the price tags!  However, I was competely seduced by a beautiful maxi skirt that somehow managed to flatter both vertically and horizontally.  Consider my maxi skirt virginity officially taken. Yes, it has a thigh-high split that technically makes it unsuitable for work, but I shall wear it to the side and all shall be kosher.  And anyhow, I need the room to bend down…

Brushstroke maxi skirt from Warehouse

Western jacket from Warehouse

Yes, that is a cheeky little denim jacket that’s slipped in there.  Oh come on, it’s an essential! And it was 25% off remember?  And it went so well with the skirt…

Add in a couple of bargainous vest tops from Next and a discounted dress from Mango (that I’m subsequently taking back) and I was pretty much done.  Such a shame that I had to pass H&M on my way back to the car or that pretty royal blue pleated number wouldn’t have lured me inside.  But I’m a sucker for pleats, and a sucker for a high waist- not to mention it was shorter at the front and longer at the back… perfect for all those bottom-baring moments at work!

I can’t find it anywhere on the H&M website, so here I am in it, pretending for a moment I’m a fashion blogger and not convincing anyone…

In my head I’m channelling Sienna Miller… (don’t laugh at the back).

So there we go.  I was skint, I’m now even more skint, but at least when that temperature rises again I’ll have something decent to wear.

Every cloud, eh?

Sama xxx